Volume 2 Issue 6
Regular Thursday Issue
Friday, November 15, 2002 (Late again, had to hang out with the girlfriend! ::grin::)
Quote of the week: "Java is like your mother: Cleans up after
you and tells you politely that you could be making a mistake.
C++ is like your father: Never cleans up your shit and teaches you the harsh
realities of life by kicking your ass when you fuck up." -GZPhreak on
Programming
(If anybody wants to see a quotation featured here, E-Mail it to me at this paper's return address, I'm
having a shortage of quotes! Skuzz@phreaker.net)
Written By: Editor Skuzz
So yeah, my palmtop went "ding dong" around the usual time last night to write TDHII but I was busy watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone with Amber so it didn't get done. Now I'm writing it in my little hour gap between evil Calc II and Cobol mania.
Written By: Editor Skuzz
Well, now that we have snow on the ground, it will be an abysmal downward spiral back into the Michigan Arctic! We'll all get to leave a little earlier in the morning to go brush the crappy white stuff off our cars, and if we're smart, a little more time will be spent warming our engines up before we pummel them with our usual driving routine...in the freezing weather. People will proceed to drive like total idiots for the first few slippery weeks, so be prepared to dodge retards more often than usual! If you're dumb like me and haven't stocked up on your video game stash by now, give up. With Christmas coming, it's going to be impossible to find any of the "cool" titles. Speaking of Christmas and hard-to-find items. I would like to speak to the world for a moment about the evils of "ZipZaps." These are stupid $20 mini radio controlled cars the size of a Hot Wheels car. Our company really hasn't ever had to worry much about having the "hot" Christmas item as far as I know, but for some retarded reason we decided to buy, market, and sell these critters. It started out that they just sat on the counter and collected dust. Suddenly one day a person walks in and buys all of them. From that point on, it's impossible to keep them in stock, and we only get sent huge quantities of like 6 every two weeks. People call us daily, and I get increasingly more frightened as black Friday (I refuse to refer to it as "hot" Friday like my company does, it is an evil day, period.) looms closer and closer. I believe it is necessary for all employees to be handed out bulletproof vests for protection against the customers. There are surely to be angry ranting psychos all over hunting for these "hot" items. The scariest of all are the evil chunky mothers of 17 children who come in snarling stating that you did put them on a "waiting list" (even though we have none) and that you owe them something of equal value for free because you didn't have the item they wanted. If you mess with them, they will attempt to gnaw your arm off and will absolutely refuse to vacate the store until they magically become a "satisfied" customer. (For those ones we have a pile of steaks to hurl out the door, hopefully their effectiveness won't wear down!)
So yeah, that's my Christmas fear, the fear that this
stupid holiday that is supposed to be all about giving will again turn into a
horrid nightmare of fistfighting moms to get the hot toy, like it always does.
Only this time it will happen at your local RS... Our 7000 locations and small
store size means you, the chunky evil mother, will have many chances to become
the WWE/F/G heavyweight champion for most employees squashed in 20 square miles!
I don't know about you, but I have my teargas grenades ready...
-Skuzz, From the trenches
Snow! Holy crap! I wake up today, and don't notice it until I read eZe's away message stating that there was snow on his car. Then I look out the window, and there's white crap on the ground!
Current Temperatures:
Skuzz Studios: --.-°F (I'm not there so I don't know!)
Outer World: --.-°F (It's cold and snowy, what more need you
know??)
Written By: eZe
Dramatic and Appropriate Title By: Skuzz
eZe's Drink of the Week: Leprechauns! they are so freaking good. If you are 21, go to the store RIGHT NOW and buy a fifth of vodka, a fifth of blue corraco, and a fifth of peachtree schnapps, oh and a gallon of orange juice. Then take all of these things over to my kitchen where I will pour us both drinks until the bottles are gone. In the unfortunate circumstance that you don't want to share the wealth with me, I will divulge the recipe anyway... 1 part vodka, 1 part blue corraco, 1 part peachtree schnapps, and 3 parts orange juice. Add ice. tough recipe to guess, huh? Anyway, upon completion you get a funny looking glass thats 1/2 blue and 1/2 puke green. Don't be "skerred" though, cause you still have to mix well. once you're done mixing, you will have a short little green drink, hence the name, leprechaun. Enjoy!
eZe
Written by: Guess Who :P
There's music, and it's cool. Hmm...that's about it? I realized that listening to my totally awesome album in my car is totally not awesome without a leet subwoofer. So I will now be endeavoring to get a sub of doom put into my trunk
Eric gave Samba -50 cool points for being barfo. That cat doesn't seem to
want to keep her food. If I were feeding her straight vodka instead of water and
cat food, I'd understand...but as I'm not, I don't get it. I think she's just bulimic.
Justin stated that I went from being less cool than him to 744 times more cool
than him.
I assigned various leet points, as did Eric, for our various sick-minded techy
things we felt necessary to leeticize this week.
I think I shall be receiving a massive quantity of leet points in the near
future if my plan to build a 500 MHz computer into my car is go. ;)
Written By: Some Guy Named Bill
So I didn't have to call the SkuzzEvaporate(); function this week, lucky I. Just ended up delaying the paper for a day. Glad I have this hour break between classes to get myself back on task! ;)
-Skuzz