So, yeah, Windows Mobile. It is maturing quickly. Microsoft finally realized that people might want to use their PDA phones as cell phones on occasion, and are slowly adapting it to support one-handed operation, less operations involving the stylus, etc. They still have a long way to go though, as they don't quite "get it" yet.

I am talking about probably the best Windows Mobile PDA phone, best for both phone and PDA functions in one device. This is the Palm Treo 700w. I still hate the phone, but - it is apparently the best America can make a PDA phone...wait that's pathetic!

Anyway I guess the brunt of this article is the WAY Windows Mobile is run. Before the Windows Mobile PDA phone, there was the WM PDA. The WM PDA still exists today, but just for a quick history lesson, here we go.

Windows Mobile has never been designed to stay on all the time. Like most PDA OSes, it periodically shuts down, or "sleeps." This is fine for most organizer functions. One doesn't need to be constantly connected to things on a device just meant for looking at one's schedule.

However on the WM PDA phones, this periodic sleeping (approximately every 1 to 5 minutes, depending on user settings) is downright annoying. Any application that needs to maintain network connectivity gets disconnected unless specially crafted to deal with disappearing offline.

This also means one can never leave an Internet-based application running unless it explicitly tells the phone to not go to sleep - or it will.

The worst "feature" with this design, is that Windows Mobile isn't designed to be very power-conscious when it's running. So if you leave the PDA phone turned on to say, listen to streaming music, your battery will be nearly depleted in one to two hours. Listening to local music you can generally get a few more hours out of it, but still that battery life is downright pathetic on a phone that should at least last the day, if not several days.

Microsoft has caught on a bit with the SmartPhone edition of Windows Mobile, but they strike out hard here in speed. WM5 SmartPhone appears to be completely web page, javascript and CSS-based (See my Motorola Q Phone Review) and also runs on slower processors so it can stay running all the time like a phone should. However, the end result is something slower than molasses!

Couple all this with the OSes constant memory leakage, and you have a great combo for annoying restarts with massive damage! Real-time weapons switch! The biggest leak of memory, according to Microsoft programmers on their own MSDN Blogs is Microsoft ActiveSync - which incidentally is needed for sync between your phone and computer, sync with your phone and exchange server, and push-e-mail support. It's also set up to always start by itself, always restart periodically if it's killed, and also doesn't deallocate memory when you force-quit it. Basically a Killer App (not a Killer App - perhaps a MURDERER App, but no killer app.) On a handset like the Treo with only 32 MB RAM, plan for a restart about every day if you use it heavily - every two to three days if you only use it very light. Hopefully I'll have a review of that phone up soon.

So I guess my point is, Windows Mobile 5 doesn't seem to be very useful on a phone until Microsoft figures out a way to let the OS run all the time like a real phone! (Also not leak memory constantly!)

Wow, where to start? Today, which makes it about a week now, my cable Internet has been running slow, like EDGE data slow. (WHERE IS THAT 45Mbps bi-directional fiber the phone companies promised was coming, lied about, and took our money for years?? I can't believe they haven't been sued, shut down, smacked, beaten, and sued again. We don't even have crappy DSL in our town!) So it was slow.

I am seeing about 300kbits/sec download, as well as similar upload. I'm SUPPOSED to be getting 3 MEGABITS PER SECOND. This seems to happen every few months. When you have "high speed" Internet service dished up by a crappy cable provider that is $19 Billion in debt and selling off network assets to random companies all across the country as they slowly hemorrhage network bits to keep themselves from imploding (inhale), you can't expect them to even be competent at maintaining their current level of connectivity.

So, I do the standard procedure and call Charter Communications. I get their crappy touch-tone menusystem, slog through it to the correct option. Then, as always, their retarded IVR (Interactive Voice Response) system, "what is your problem?" Me: "I'm talking to a stupid IVR instead of a person." IVR: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand what you said." Me: "Fuck you."

Finally got customer service rep #1, we'll call him Barney. Barney: "Welcome to Charter, how can I help you?" "My Internet isn't working again, I just need my modem's config reset." Barney: "I'm sorry, I'm cable TV support, I'll transfer you."

So I get transferred to what I thought was Cablemodem support - wrong, back to the IVR. "Hi, I'm the stupid useless bitch voice, what can I do you for?" Me: "fuck you, I hate you." "I'm sorry, all lines are busy right now, please try your call again later, thank you *click*." That's right, the IVR hung up on me because I reached the end of its menu system.

I called back, got to the IVR again by randomly punching 0 about three hundred times. IVR: "Hello, I see you have called us before, do you want me to help you try something else, or wait in the long line for a representative?" Me: "REPRESENTATIVE!" IVR: "Ok, your expected wait time is less than one minute." WHY DOES IT EVEN BOTHER?? There's no wait, I would prefer to not talk to a computer. So I get the next rep, same story and they can't do crap because they're cable TV support. They transfer me again and this time I get to a cablemodem support person, however, this person's from another market and can't get into my modem account, so they transfer me back to a Michigan call center that can do cablemodem support.

900 Year Old Woman: "'ello, Charter customer service, how can I help you?" "Yes I needed [explanation here.]" "I'm sorry, I'm TV support, I'll transfer you." So around we go again! At least I'm in Michigan's call center! I'm close! Until...

IVR: "Hi, please wait while I connect you..........please wait...........please wait.............. I'm sorry, no representatives are available right now, please try your call again later, thank you *click*." That's right, disconnected again. At least 30 minutes waited explaining and fighting with menus and braindead IVR systems.

Call back YET AGAIN, this time the IVR is flabbergasted I'm calling back again. IVR: "My records indicate you've called in before, is this still for your previous problem? Yes or no?" Me: "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It instant-transfers me to a rep and the phone picks up 10 seconds later, gee, are all their wait times just their employees sitting in the call centers masturbating??

Seriously, a breather here, I can't believe I am still talking about one very long and screwed up phone call, it completely boggles my mind how inept companies can be. Fortunately, I will alleviate this once I take over the world and mandate required enhancements to companies customer service departments, among other things. (Also no call centers in India will be allowed unless they go through a rigorous American English certification program, as well as every one of their employees through the same program, but that's another tangent for another rant...)

So who should pick up but captain India himself and he proceeds to tunak tunak away at 400 almost-English words per minute. Great job IVR, clearly transferring me to someone that can't speak English will resolve the issue. He babbles some crap, attempts to help but can't because apparently, "different prts of Chrtr's netwoork use dfferrent billling systems, I could try to fix yer mod'm, but that could also scroo up yer accunt so it compeletely stops working."

I decided Charter won the battle for today, and bad customer service prevails - only because I wasted 45 minutes, got nowhere, and tomorrow's (well now) is Independence Day and I doubt they'll have any competent technicians working then (or when I called apparently.)

We're talking service credits up the yin yang once July 5 rolls around though, this is ridiculous. It should not take that long to fix a simple problem, a problem that shouldn't even exist if it weren't for Charter's network falling apart everywhere and mismanagement running them into the ground. Maybe the guy at Microsoft that created Charter should've held onto them, at least they might still work, with the exception of the occasional BSOD.

I hate companies.

I keep so busy with all my projects, school and work, it seems I have less and less time these days to do the important things like rant!

Anyway, I have had this rant on my to-do list for a while so I might as well get it out of the way! Groups! Specifically in classes, but any place where one is forced into group situations. I never seem to have any luck with them. If there's a hot chick, she'll be in the group across the room. If it's my friend, they're 2 groups away. If groups were the lottery, I'd be one of those who spend all their life playing and never even see $20.

The most recent group madness, Astronomy lab. There are several cuties in the class, and also, every lab we have a different group allocation - never mind all that jazz though! Who do I always get stuck with? The GM layoffs and the nerds!

This makes for an interesting group setup. The nerds always think the work actually matters, and try to do 200%. The GM layoffs don't even know how to handwrite, let alone read or underestand a lab procedure, so they just sit there scratching their heads while life swirls on around them.

So I get stuck, as always, with nobody worth flirting with. Why is this? Am I a statistical anomaly? The most annoying part is it doesn't matter what the event/class/thing is. If it involves a group of people I always end up getting stuck with the lamers. That is if the choosing is out of my hands of course, if the choice is mine, pwn'd = all!

One thing's for certain, I will never buy a lottery ticket with those odds!

So yeah, here is a tale meant for corporations who are thinking about outsourcing their customer service department to India. (Here's an early hint on the moral of the story: DON'T.)

I am finally employed, and my employer uses Nextel rather heavily for PTT and BlackBerry solutions. So I figured I'd get myself a Nextel BlackBerry 7520 off eBay and activate it on a PTT-only plan. Acquiring the BlackBerry was an affordable cakewalk thanks to eBay. Acquiring service for said BlackBerry was a veritable nightmare.

Since this was pretty much an experiment, I decided to go ahead and try some new things and see if they were any faster than the old skool call and talk to a person who can't speak English process. First, I found a "web chat" icon on Sprint/Nextel's web site. I tried this, got some funky instant messenger window (that even worked in Apple Safari!) A rep IMed me, asked if I wanted service, I said yes, but I already have a phone. They took 5 minutes to respond, and then quickly responded with, "sorry I can't help you, please call telesales," and closed my window on me before I could read what the phone number was. Thankfully I had the chat e-mail itself to me, so I was able to retrieve it.

So I called the phone number, I got a woman who sounded like she had a thick Irish accent. She insisted she couldn't help me activate a BlackBerry, and forwarded me to their Corporate Enterprise Accounts number. That number said I had a 4- to 6-minute wait, and offered a neat feature that allowed me to give the system my phone number and call me back when a rep was free. It claimed, "you won't lose your place in line!" So first I typed in the number, but it didn't understand my DTMF tones right and scrambled up some digits. (Note to Corporations: If you are going to do a system like this, MAKE IT READ NUMBERS RIGHT! The technology has been around since the 70s, there shouldn't be problems NOW!)

Finally it got my number, and told me it'd call me back in 4 to 6 minutes. Well, 20 + 4 to 6 minutes later, I still hadn't received a callback, so much for not losing my place in line! I called customer care back, got a gentleman who had an interesting English/ebonics combination language, but magically he could activate BlackBerry just fine! So we went about the whole song and dance, right when I got to giving them my IMEI/SIM ID numbers towards the end of the process, the "Callback" number called me back. Verizon somehow got all confused, and in trying to reject that call to keep talking to him, it hung him up, and the Enterprise call up, then the Enterprise one called me again, 2 seconds later and connected me to their people... Well! Not only did I wait longer than the claimed 4 to 6 minutes, when it rang me back, asked if I was me, it put me back into a hold queue for 10 minutes! Lo and behold, I got a proper English-speaking man! I was overjoyed! We ran through the whole activation process again as the dropped call erased all the other guy's progress... Verizon wouldn't have me activating this phone.

So after that call drop, I called back again, and this time got Captain India himself, the world's worst Indian phone rep ever. Now I'm not trying to sound mean towards India, they're....a country...that steals our jobs with people that have substandard capabilities, but they're...a country! He tried to help me as best he could, but as English is apparently not a prerequisite to helping people who speak English, our conversation stumbled along. Sadly, he was the only rep to successfully get me through the entire process without my call dropping, so a painstakingly hour-long call later, he was reading me my activation confirmation number.

There was an S in it, he was doing phonetic spelling - I shit you not, he said, "s as in sea." BRAVE-O! EN-CORE! (Zap Brannigan pronunciation.) Let's phonetically spell one letter with a word that sounds like the letter "C!" He said the phone would be active in 2 hours as they always do, gave me the activation confirmation number to call, and we went our merry ways.

Since it doesn't normally take 2 hours, I called the activation number 20 minutes later. The phone's screen still didn't say Nextel. The most amazing thing happened when I called this rep: *RIIIIING* *CLICK* "hello, welcome to Sprint Nextel." NOTE TO CORPORATIONS: THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD ALWAYS WORK! ONE RING, CLICK, AND A REAL PERSON! A real person that EVEN SPOKE ENGLISH!! I was ecstatic! Needless to say she couldn't find my account, we both chalked it up to the activation people not finishing the activation yet, she said I could call back in an hour, or tomorrow. I decided to wait the rest of the night just in case there was something that would take a while to do.

So in the morning (this morning actually) the phone still wasn't activated! I called them YET AGAIN (so I have talked to 7 people now) and the rep can't find my account. She then transfers me to an activation rep (8) but thankfully both of them spoke English so I was in good shape. This guy saw that the app last night ended up erroring out, the Indian dude never finished or fixed it right - so he copy/pasted the account info over to ANOTHER new account, and activated it.

He forgot to give me my phone number. Every rep has forgot to give me my phone number. They always forget this. So he transfers me to BlackBerry support so they can direct me how to do a Master Reset of the radio. The girl asks me for my phone number, I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER! Thankfully she just runs me through the BlackBerry Master Reset procedure.

So I'm thinking I am in good shape now! Then apparently, master-resetting the phone erases the radio's ability to lock onto any old Nextel signal, there are only certain pilots I can lock onto for activation purposes, and they're all too far away! I spend the next 20 minutes finding a place in my home where I get enough signal for the phone to properly download activation information! Finally I find one spot at my desk with 0 bars of signal, packet data starts going crazy, and suddenly I get a text message and my signal meter jumps up to 4 bars! I call my Verizon phone - it rings. My Nextel still shows its old number in its info screen, but thankfully its real number gets displayed on my Verizon phone's Caller ID. I call it back from my Verizon phone, and get voicemail. I wait and call it again - suddenly it rings! It's alive and working! I only had to spend about 3 hours on the phone and talk to people in 4 different languages (3 masquerading as English.) to get things done! Clearly. Nextel. Done.|

So let this be a lession to us all. Outsourcing is bad, outsourcing is evil. Regardless what any business classes or economic analysts say, you never get "the same product for less money." It's just like the consumer world, you get what you pay for. Someone who can't speak English or know how to do anything correctly.

That's right folks, we're back and kickin! J pointed out to me that I rant about stuff so often I might as well bring TDH back from the dead once more! Not sure what format - if any it will follow, but here we go!

Has anyone ever watched FOX? I only get two TV channels now, FOX 66 and NBC 25 - wow they both SUCK. Other than local news how does broadcast TV even stay in business?? It isn't even that the programming sucks - it's that it REALLY sucks! Two shows in particular: "Sex and the City" or whatever it's freaking called, and "The OC."

First let's discuss Sluts that are Shitty. Basic premise, a bunch of ugly whores run around New York City with their legs spread as wide as our American ports waiting for the next foriegn power to slip between their thighs and do the nasty. That's not where it stops though, it is narrated by this ugly permed blonde bitch with this severely deformed nose, who thinks she's some hot-shit writer that makes up "cute" words like "frienemey." Wow! That's a Pulitzer Prize winning word right there!

Is it just me, or does this seem a little ridiculously outlandishly disgusting? Sure, women claim it's part of some wonderful vaginal revolution, but I beg to differ. Before women had their sexual freedom, back when their job was to cook their man breakfast and take care of his sexual needs, you didn't see shows on TV called "Men Fucking Everywhere." You didn't see Johnny Carson walk out on stage, swing his golf club and rail 3 chicks on his desk before he got into his intro comic routine. People had the decency and standards to at least downplay their sexual activities - which I think overall would have a more positive societal impact.

Before I cover the main point, we'll hit the second show as it has the same theme but with a twist. The OC: they add a little dash of drama to the mass-orgy, oh and lower the age to 17 from 62. I would have never actively watched this show, except that I was too lazy to walk to the living room and change to my other whopping channel and see what was on there - my laziness made me pay the price however...

Basic premise of this travesty: Adults play college students stuck in high school. Of course it's not real high school, it's fantasyland high school - err wait I mean college. Whatever, it doesn't matter. They live in that pretend candyland out there in California where one girl lives in a giant million dollar home all by herself just because her parents have marital troubles. Lucky for her, her only true purpose in life ie meeting guys in the "wrong crowd" and also knowing how to spread her legs much like those atlantic shipping ports. Not to bash her so hard though, when her friends and fuckbuddies (these two groups aren't mutually exclusive) all do the same thing, it's hard to have any moral standards to base your life off of. The high point of this is, they're close enough to the Pacific ocean that the girls in this show can handle most of our west-coast shipping needs with ease!

The episode ends - I shit you not - with every possible sexual pair fucking their brains out. That's good, way to end on a high note! Their writers must have the easiest ass job in the world! "Ok Jim, let's hit up that new SQL database of characters and hit the randomize button for today....ok so Jodi fucks Summer? Hmm...someone must have tagged one of those as gay or of the opposite sex cause they're both girls...ok we'll pick Jason. Ok Jodi bones Jason, Summer bones John...yeah sounds good! Well another hard day of work, time to go home and download porn, catch you later!"

What does all of this mean? First off, I don't want to sound like some closedminded conservative with my head in the sand, that is by no means the case. Seriously though, what is the point of these shows? People argue that it's just part of a new open society that is more open about sex and relationships and blah blah blah. All of this is fine, but is it really good to have this very very POLAR relationship activity in a show? It's one thing to be about the dynamics of relationships, it's quite the other to solve every problem with fuckings and pool parties (that involve fucking.)

Now 14 year old middle schoolers watch these stupid shows all the time. They interpolate this drama bull as their own real lives, and by the time they're 19 they are forcing their world to behave more like their TV shows. Adding drama and attitude and what they think is "freedom" and "expression" and whatever. Instead of generating upright moral people with respect for their own bodies, we create generations of increasingly looser sluts.

Us guys aren't completely removed from these situations either. While most of us don't watch such garbage-ass shows, except when overtaken by a poweful wave of laziness, having to perpetually deal with girls living in these drama-filled slut-worlds eventually makes some guys succumb and stop fighting. They buy into the drama puppet dance because it is easier than trying to keep kicking these girls into place.

An issue like this isn't exactly easily solved however - the FCC does their job at censoring things that shouldn't be censored, while shows that should be removed from the air just deftly dive around the censoring laws - like a scene from Sluts that are Shitty where this chick (at least she was married and not sleeping around in this episode, probably in the next one) is standing in front of her bed fingering herself to get her husband to put down his much more exciting book and bone her. The camera showed above her breasts, then her midsection below her breasts but above her vagina (shaved everywhere so nobody could have a clue that she had reproductive organs down there!) Then it showed her hand pass through this stomach-region and it was left up to the viewer to guess where she was going. Seriously, would it really be that much more to just SHOW what she was doing? At least the really stupid girls wouldn't assume she was down there with steel wool and would know how to play with themselves right!

At the same time, and from a different angle entirely, there are hilarious shows like Family Guy that use vulgarity and ludeness as comedic material. This is vastly different than showing people that coffeeshops are also places to make bastard children and spread diseases. So basically shows like Family Guy use the same material in a different form, and use it for much more constructive purposes.

There's my point right there. I don't think that there need be censoring of television. Actually quite the opposite, when a kid (we'll say Johann) is in Germany watching a bodysoap commercial, only to see a full naked woman bathing away - rather than our American Censored TV® - little Johann can ask his mama, "WTF???" Johann gets education from family, and then when he's presented with trashy sluts that are trying to act like those on their favorite shitty TV shows, rather than saying, "man I really feel the urge to go to school and fuck you and 20 other chicks, also make them pregnant, also, fuck 20 more," he will say, "wow those are nice breasts you have there, no I think I'll pass on fucking you today, I'd rather wait until we're older and you know how to take your birth control properly. I have a responsibility for society and will one day be ruler of our fair country."

Hell maybe even the girls will learn too...here's hoping anyway.

Next Time: Violent Video Games - GTA - social deviants will just stay deviant! Also, Flint shouldn't go investing their employees retirement funds in a company selling a game about wreaking havoc on a city, and then wonder why their stock falls after some "Hot Coffee."

This cup of joe is for you!